Captain Firebeard's School for Pirates: Pirate School Book 1 Read online

  “Yes. I mean, aye, sir. And another aye,” blustered Tommy.

  With the naming ceremony over, Sea Dog Steve crossed to where the parrots were waiting.

  One by one he called the pirate pupils forward by their new names and introduced them to their feathered friends.

  Jo got a vibrant blue-and-red parrot called Flash, who had a big white lightning bolt on the front of his puffed-out chest.

  Milton got a small, pale yellow parrot called Wobbles, who refused to sit on his shoulder because it was scared of heights.

  Spencer’s parrot was off sick after scoffing some of Gumms’s octopus porridge, so he got a scrawny crow called Scratcher instead.

  When Sea Dog Steve called out, “Your turn, Hotshot,” Tommy went to the front of the class.

  Sea Dog Steve lifted a bright green bird from its perch and placed it on Tommy’s shoulder.

  “Meet Cheeky McBeaky,” said the pirate. “He’s a bit of a smart alec. Good luck.”

  Tommy looked at Cheeky McBeaky. Cheeky McBeaky looked at Tommy.

  squawked the parrot.

  Captain Firebeard ignored him.

  “Right, you shower of sea urchins!” he roared. “Into yer seats. Lessons is about to

  And with that he strode out the room in a flurry of scarlet.

  CHAPTER 4

  First lesson of the day was How To Speak Like A Pirate. Sea Dog Steve stood in front of the class.

  “Let’s start nice and easy, me buckos,” he said. “Everyone repeat after me –

  chanted the class.

  “Now, can anyone tell me what that means?” said Sea Dog Steve.

  Half the class put their hands up.

  “It means ‘Hello there, my friends’,” shouted out Spencer. “Every idiot knows that.”

  Sea Dog Steve fixed him with a glare.

  “You puts your hand up when you be answerin’ a question, lad,” he growled. “Once, when I was in school, I didn’t put my hand up ... and look what

  happened to me.” He held up his shiny hook.

  Spencer gulped and looked at his hand nervously. Sea Dog Steve winked at the rest of the class then turned and wrote on the board.

  “Now, you’ll all be needing to speak proper if you wants to be real pirates one day. So let’s all say these good old phrases together,” he said. He pointed to each line in turn and the class chorused them out loud.

  A girl at the back started giggling at that one.

  “There be nothing funny about ‘poop deck’,” said Sea Dog Steve. Several other children started giggling when he said the word again.

  Sea Dog Steve sighed. “Right, class, get it out yer system.

  The whole class was crying with laughter by this point.

  “I thinks that’s enough pirate talk for today,” muttered Sea Dog Steve. “Tomorrow I be teaching you how to do a right good Now, up on deck with ye, you jabbering jellyfish!”

  The class filed out with their parrots on their shoulders, still chuckling.

  Up on the gently rolling deck Maggie Magpie was waiting for them.

  she called as spray from a wave splashed behind her.

  replied the class in unison.

  “Oooo, I see you’ve been learning pirate-speak,” she said. “Most impressive. But let’s see if you’re as good at climbing.”

  Maggie pointed at Milton.

  “You go first, me lad,” she said.

  “You’re as small as a prawn – you should be able to scamper up to the crow’s nest in quick smart time.”

  She pointed to the very top of the tallest mast on the ship. Milton shielded his eyes as he followed her finger. He could see a small wooden speck high above. It seemed an awful long way away.

  He started quivering … then trembling … then shaking like a jelly on a washing machine.

  Without warning Muttonhead Max gave him an almighty shove from behind and Milton flew on to the rigging.

  “Crackling cuttlefish! That’s the spirit!” said Maggie, who hadn’t seen the push. “Look how keen he is! Up ye go, laddie.”

  Milton gingerly climbed one square of rigging at a time.

  squawked Wobbles the parrot, who

  had finally plucked up the courage to sit on Milton’s shoulder at precisely the wrong moment.

  He jumped

  on to Milton’s face and wrapped his wings around his head in terror.

  Milton couldn’t see a thing and clung to the ropes for dear life, despite being only knee-high off the ground.

  Maggie gently lifted him down.

  Next it was Tommy’s turn. He did better. But halfway up his parrot, McBeaky, piped up, Here’s a funny joke.”

  “Not now, McBeaky,” said Tommy.

  But McBeaky carried on. “Why are pirates called pirates?” he screeched. “They just

  A parrot cackling its little feathery beak off right in your ear is enough to put anyone off climbing rigging,

  and Tommy was no different. As he reached for the next square of rope he missed it completely and tumbled all the way to the bottom, where Maggie caught him just in time.

  Spencer pushed his way to the front.

  “I’ll be great at this,” he declared

  and launched himself at the ropes. Unfortunately he was so sharp and spiky that his elbows sliced the rigging and he hurtled straight through and landed head first in a pile of leftover fishy slops that Gumms had thrown out. Yuk!

  Maggie sighed. “Aren’t any of you good at clambering?”

  Jo stepped forward confidently. She eyed the rigging, took a deep breath … did three forward flips and bounced high on to the ropes.

  She scuttled up like a monkey, swinging, springing and leaping up to the crow’s nest tree house in the blink of an eye.

  “Top of the class,” chuckled Maggie Magpie. “In more ways than one.”

  After that it was down to the cannon deck for target practice with One-Eyed Norm. Instead of real cannonballs they used big, round custard doughnuts.

  Jellylegs Milton got such a fright from the loud bangs that he and Wobbles hid inside a coil of rope.

  Spencer’s crow, Scratcher, pecked his doughnut to crumbs before he even had the chance to load it.

  Jo was so keen to have a go that she

  didn’t take her time at all and blasted the captain of a passing pirate ship full in the face with a massive splurge

  of custard. He was not pleased. Getting custard out of a beard is a

  By the time everyone had their turn there was custard and bits of doughnut everywhere. But not a drop on the target floating off the port side.

  “Well, our enemies won’t have much to worry about,” said One-Eyed Norm, wiping a blob of yellow gloop out of his good eye.

  Tommy was last to go. He loaded his cannon carefully. Aimed precisely. Told McBeaky to stop telling silly jokes. Closed his eyes, just like One-

  Eyed Norm did when he’d shown them what to do, aaaand …

  Bullseye.

  “Well, shiver me timbers!” exclaimed One-Eyed Norm. “Looks like we got a natural on our hands, eh, Hotshot Tom?”

  “Teacher’s pet,” whispered Spencer.

  But Tommy wasn’t listening. He was too busy imagining what he’d look like with a big pirate captain’s beard to care about what Spiky Spencer said.

  CHAPTER 5

  After days of classes on things like how to walk the gangplank gracefully, beginners’ cutlass swishing, Jolly Roger flag hoisting and how to shout

  like a pro,

  the pupils were starting to get into the swing of things.

  One morning, after a particularly

  disgusting breakfast of kipper porridge and boiled seaweed, Tommy, Jo and Milton headed to the classroom for their first pirate history lesson.

  Captain Firebeard himself was taking the class that morning.

  A screen had been set up at the front of the room and a rickety old oil-powered projector was resting on a table at the back.

  “Switch off
them lights, Blaze,”

  said Captain Firebeard to his bright red parrot.

  “Aye aye, Captain,” squawked the bird as it flew over and pecked the light switch.

  The room was plunged into darkness, until the projector flickered to life.

  “Right, class,” said Captain Firebeard. “Here is a quick history of pirates from the earliest times. First, in the days of the cavemen pirates, was Captain Stonebeard.”

  The slide on the screen showed a picture of a pirate with a wooden cutlass, a very rocky looking beard and a pterodactyl sitting on his shoulder instead of a parrot.

  “Then, in Ancient Egyptian times, there was Captain Bootankhamun.”

  The picture changed to show a pirate with big gold buccaneer boots and a pharaoh’s hat.

  Then there came the Roman pirate, Captain Beardus Maximus…

  And the Viking pirate, Captain Axebeard…

  And the Pirates of the Round Table…

  And finally the great explorer pirate, Captain Wanderbeard, who discovered the famous pirate haven of Plunderossa.

  As each of the images appeared, Captain Firebeard told the class all about the history of each pirate and the pupils wrote down notes in their jotters using their feather quills and inkwells.

  “Lights on, Blaze,” ordered Captain Firebeard when they came to the end of the slides. “Now, let me tell you about some of the most bruising, blazing battles ever fought on the seven seas.”

  He opened a cabinet in the corner and, with a dramatic flourish, whipped out an enormous silver cutlass.

  The class -ed.

  “This be the very cutlass used by Captain Nastybeard in the Battle

  of Screaming and Running Away a Lot, in which he caused lots of other pirates to scream and run away a lot on account of him being very nasty and having this big cutlass here.”

  The class drew a picture of the cutlass in their books.

  “And this be an actual cannonball used in the Battle of Squashed Nose,” said Captain Firebeard. “And if you look carefully, you can still see the dent in the shape of a nose, what was

  made when it hit Captain Eggbeard … or Captain Flatface, as he now be known.”

  McBeaky, who was sitting on Tommy’s shoulder, screeched with laughter at that.

  “Simmer down, parrot,” said Captain Firebeard. “Now, does anyone have any questions?”

  “When will we be talking about Captain Blackbeard?” shouted Spencer, without putting his hand up. “The greatest pirate who ever lived!”

  Captain Firebeard’s red beard bristled.

  “We might save him for the lesson on pirates what got too big for their beards,” he said, scowling.

  Spencer looked annoyed and muttered something about “telling his father all about this”.

  Just then Tommy noticed something on the wall beside him. It was a map of an island, but underneath it were several lines of peculiar pictures, symbols and letters.

  He put his hand up.

  “Yes, Hotshot?” said Captain Firebeard.

  “What’s this weird map all about,

  sir?” asked Tommy.

  Captain Firebeard clumped across the room on his wooden leg to where the map was. The class crowded round to see.

  “This,” said Captain Firebeard in a hushed tone, “be the Mysterious Map of Mandaloo. It is said to reveal the way to a secret island – Skull Island – on which be buried a lost chest of the most magnificent treasure any pirate has ever seen.”

  The eyes of every pupil were as wide and round as cannonballs.

  “But why did no one ever go and get the treasure?” asked Jo.

  “Because the directions be in some sort of code,” said the Captain. “And we pirates aren’t known for our code- breaking skills, so it has remained undiscovered for hundreds of years. Right, that be enough lessons for now. Time for a break. Off ye go.”

  The pupils hustled and bustled out

  of the door leaving the classroom empty.

  All except for Milton, who was standing alone staring at the map.

  “Hmmm,” he said quietly. “I wonder…”

  CHAPTER 6

  Learning to be a pirate is tiring work.

  So after a long day of advanced yo-ho-ho-ing, vigorous poop deck polishing and desperately trying to squeeze beards out (even Jo) it was no wonder all the pupils were fast asleep in their hammocks.

  Even Muttonhead Max’s thunderous snore, which was so loud it rattled the wooden deck above, couldn’t wake them.

  The ship had sailed back to the harbour in town to tie up for the night and, in-between snores, all was dark and still, with only a single flickering lantern for light. The parrots were snoozing on their perches (except for Wobbles who was so afraid of heights he slept in a shoebox on the floor with

  a hot-water bottle to keep him warm).

  Tommy was dreaming.

  In his dream he had a bushy red beard, just like Captain Firebeard’s. All of the other pupils were soooo jealous – especially Spencer, who had an embarrassingly tiny mousey-brown beard with only three weedy wisps on it.

  But suddenly the beard began to grow. And grow. And GROW! Before long it covered everything in sight.

  Tommy was just a tiny face in the middle of a vast beardy sea.

  “Wake up, Tommy!” hissed Jo.

  spluttered Tommy, waking with a

  start.

  “What?” said Jo.

  “Oh, err, nothing,” said Tommy. “What in the name of Neptune’s big toe are you doing?”

  Jo was standing between Tommy and Milton’s hammocks. She was

  dressed in full pirate kit.

  Tommy rubbed his eyes and yawned. “Please tell me we don’t have to do lessons at night as well,” he groaned.

  “Don’t be silly,” said Jo. “I have a plan.”

  “I was worried you’d say that,” sighed Milton sitting up blearily. “Middle-of- the-night plans are my least favourite kind of plans.”

  “Go on then,” said Tommy. “What’s your big idea?”

  “Well,” said Jo. “You know that map we saw earlier?”

  “Yes,” said Tommy.

  “The secret treasure one?”

  “Yes.”

  “The one with the code?”

  “I totally know the map!” said Tommy. “Get on with it!”

  “Well, I say we ‘borrow’ it, take the ship and find the treasure,” said Jo. “Whaddaya think?” She smiled encouragingly.

  Milton pulled the covers over his head and mumbled, “Go back to bed.”

  Tommy rolled his eyes. “It’s a daft idea!” he said. “There’s no way it would work.”

  “It so would,” said Jo, putting her hands on her hips defiantly. “So how about we put what we’ve learned to good use and actually start acting like pirates?’”

  “No. Way,” said Tommy. “We’d get caught and thrown out of school. Or made to walk the plank into shark- infested water. Or fired out of a cannon

  into a giant squid’s bottom. Or all three.”

  Jo looked annoyed for a moment. Then a smile appeared on her face as she thought of something. She reached across to Tommy’s locker and picked up his copy of Captain Firebeard’s Introduction To Pirating. Flicking through the pages, she quickly found what she was looking for.

  “Aha!” she exclaimed. “Here it is.” She read a passage from the book out

  loud, “If a friendly pirate asks his or her shipmates to go on a treasure- hunting mission, the Pirate’s Code of Conduct states that they must accept the request immediately with no grumbling, backsliding or hiding under blankets like a lily-livered landlubber.”

  Tommy scratched his chin. Milton pulled the covers off his head.

  “She’s right, you know,” said Tommy. “We have to go.”

  Milton sighed, but swung his legs out of his hammock.

  They pulled on their waistcoats and neckerchiefs and gently woke up their parrots. Then the three of them sneaked ever so quietly past
their fellow pupils and tiptoed up the stairs.

  When they reached the top they turned the corner … and came face to face with Sea Dog Steve sitting on a chair next to the canteen! They almost jumped out of their boots.

  snored Sea Dog Steve.

  He was in a deep, deep sleep.

  So were Maggie Magpie, One-Eyed Norm and Gumms.

  It looked like they’d been enjoying a little too much grog after dinner.

  “Phew,” whispered Jo.

  They crept to the classroom and opened the door slowly. Inside, all was in shadow. A wedge of light from the open door stretched across the room and up the far wall. And there, in its dark wooden frame, was the Mysterious Map of Mandaloo.

  Milton gulped.

  Tommy took a deep breath.

  Jo stepped into the room and said,